Anyone who starts the conversation with “I can’t” “I don’t” or “I won’t” isn’t ready and the conversation is over. This is what I tell our instructors because you’re either looking for a way in or a way out.
Here’s a little secret…
“Life Is Designed To Tell You NO.”
No – you can’t be in shape.
No – you can’t be wealthy.
No – you can’t have success.
No – you can’t be happy.
No – you can’t learn self defense.
Like the saying goes…if it were easy, everyone would do it.
When you hear those words you’re witnessing a conflict of someone who KNOWS they should do it but are too lazy to actually do it. So they put the reason for the failure on the situation and that makes them feel better. Truth be told, even if you were willing to go to their house and train them for free…they still wouldn’t do it.
Everyone is too busy, too broke, too old, too out of shape — EVERYONE.
“There Are A Million Excuses Not To Do Something,
But Only One Reason To Do Something.”
Do you think my life and my career in self defense was perfect…
- I blew out my knee my senior year in high school football during the state championship game. Missing my senior year of wrestling (and a possible NJ State Championship) plus any chance of an athletic scholarship.
- I had a falling out with my TKD instructor and was asked to leave the Dojang after 9 years of training and teaching.
- I used to drive 2 hours a few times a month to meet with my combatives instructor over the course of several years…who had poor health and wasn’t exactly reliable. Many times I drove down there he wasn’t there…even after we made plans.
- During this time my father died suddenly at the age of 66 and I had to step in and help fix the business with my uncle.
- When I was training in Judo – I would drive the same distance…2 to 3 times a week…while I was working a full time job, running a dojo and starting a family.
- In October 2007 my former partner and student decided to end our business relationship and attempted to destroy my reputation and sell millions of dollars worth of my videos. I went from earning 25K per month to 1K per month and with a new mortgage and two young kids. My wife and I launched the Self Defense Company and started creating the content. We also engaged in a 6 year lawsuit across that went across several states and ultimately ended in our victory.
Oh and along the way my wife and I lost a baby, I had cancer, lost a fortune (3X over) and had to rebuild my life just as many. Perfect? Far from it.
The struggle is REAL and it’s every day. Many people have come and gone over the last decade and a half…and we’re still rolling.
Here’s another little secret…
“If You Want Something Other People Don’t Have,
You Must Be Willing To Do Something Other People Won’t Do.”
This is why our conversation ends when I hear those words – “I can’t” “I don’t” or “I won’t”. We’re done because you are not ready. If you were serious…YOU WOULD TRY. It’s really that simple.
Look, if you don’t even try…I mean really try…how the heck are you going to defend yourself against someone who is dangerous, determined and able…?
This isn’t just about self defense, its about everything. Nothing is perfect and nothing goes to plan. Life is always telling you NO and most people accept that answer. That’s why there are “Haves” and “Have Nots”.
But life also gives you clues and a path forward, you just need to pay attention and look at every setback as a step forward. It took Edison 1,000 attempts to invent the lightbulb. Is that 1,000 failures…or 1,000 steps to get it right? It all depends on how you look at it.
To get something, you need to do something. It’s never perfect…NEVER perfect. You will never have enough time, you will never have enough money, you will never be in shape – but you don’t need all that.
You just need to make a decision – This is what I want and I’m going to make it work no matter what.
There will be set backs, there will be failure. Everyone has problems, everyone has challenges…everyone shares the same cloudy sky. Most people accept defeat while a few of us find a way.
So the next time someone says those words, be polite – but end the conversation there…
“Thanks for your time, but you’re not ready. Stay safe.”