The Fight Before Christmas

The Fight Before Christmas

 The Fight Before Christmas

‘Twas the fight before Christmas, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of Xbox danced in their heads.

Me in my sweat pants and my wife in her wrap,

Had just settled down for a long winter’s nap.

When down in the living room there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the noise I flew like a flash,

Picked up my black jack, hid the jewelry and cash.

I ran down the stairs as fast as I could go,

To see someone slip in the window.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

A home invader, to steal my Christmas cheer!

With a little drop step, I made sure not to slip,

I knew in at that moment this must be done quick.

More rapid than machine guns my techniques they came,

I grunted, and shouted, and called them by name;

“Now, Chin jab! now, Knee Strike! now, Elbow and Hand Yoke!

An Eye Gouge! a Neck Crank! a Head-butt and Rear Choke!

Right down the stairs and into the wall!

I bashed! I smashed! Until he did fall!”

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

I hit him so hard, I thought he would die.

So up to the house the cops finally flew,

To pick up this perp (with some new bruises too!)

And then, with gratitude, I heard from the Chief

Thanks for standing up to this Christmas Eve thief.

Then down the stairs my family came with a bound,

Excited to see that Dad’s still around.

The bad guy grumbled, as the cops went to work,

In the back of the cruiser,  we said “good bye” to that jerk,

And I heard him exclaim, as they drove out of sight,

“I wouldn’t have picked that house if I knew he could fight!”


Seasons Beatings – Damian Ross and The “Elf” Defense Company


Published by theselfdefenseco

Founder, The Self Defense Company

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  1. Love it! Being ready at any time in any situation is absolutely necessary in this world where we live. Being aware and being ready are vital to staying peaceful and alive.

  2. Yeah okay okayokay…

    This is Too Funny, TOO FUNNY!
    So, okay I’ll spend some money.
    But you had better give me more!
    Much more than I’ve learned before.
    I’ve studied a little martial art you see.
    Before a head on car crash crippled me.
    I walk with a cane, and this clumsy boot.
    I look like a push over, but unless you shoot,
    My boot is a weapon, and so is the cane.
    When I crush your foot, and beat on your brain,
    You’ll wish you had picked, another mark.
    Because I’m a broke down dog with bite LIKE A SHARK!

  3. Excellent, except the part that says: “I ran down the stairs as fast as I could go to see someone slip in the window.” Tongue-in-cheek, however, what happens if: “I ran down the stairs as fast as I could go, just in time to see someone blast (as in shoot) me from the window?” I thought most instructions for defense of yourself and yours, during some home invasion, do not recommend hunting the “invader/s.” Just missed that caveat;)

  4. That’s a great poem about reality. Damian’s and his team’s awesome work on self defense helps us to feel prepared for such a threatening situation which I hope none of us will face.
    Thank you Damian and your team!
    Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all of you,


  5. Merry Christmas to you Damion, your family, and all your staff. Hope of a better New Year won’t hurt either!!

  6. I love it! I see there is still more to learn.

    Damian shows us good, how to stop a creep from the hood. Just ask a question, distract and hack, before he has much time, to say something back. You hit him again, strike him with force, and he’ll soon start feel’in, lots of remorse. Use your power and speed, keep it fast and quick, give him no chance to give back a lick. Don’t wait, keep it up, strike ever so hard, and he’ll wish he had brought his own body guard. But it’s too late, too bad for him, as you continue to pound and hammer his chin. He may moan as he goes down, but what’s important, is you’ve clobbered this clown. So clowns and creeps, you better beware, as you walk our streets and prowl about, cause the SDTS will take you out!

    Merry Christmas!

  7. Hahaha, that was very funny my friend. And of course, to You and Your family, I wish a very Blessed and Merry Christmas.

    From Croatia

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