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Never thought I’d post on the “Hate Mail” forum. But I’m pretty sure the following qualifies, as I received it in an email form and some of it is directed at the Self Defense Company and Mr. Damian Ross in particular.
For whatever reason, a Mr. Kickenasstakennames has seen fit to target me for personal, private mentorship. I am honored. In the last few days I have received no less than eleven emails from this keen thinker – possibly more because I seem to recall a few that I can’t find. The sheer incessant volume is a bit overwhelming. It’s almost like Mr. Kickenasstakennames is implementing the email equivalent of the SDTS; close the distance through cyberspace, maintain momentum with email Blitzkrieg, and keep the target off balance while maintaining your own balance.
I think Mr. Kickenasstakennames has a done a remarkable job of remaining completely balanced.
What I have here are a few quotes and highlights. I thought about blocking this guy’s email address, but why? I mean, this is great stuff. Thank you for thinking of me, Mr. Kickenasstakennames. Laughter is truly the best medicine and you sir are healing my tattered soul, bit by little world weary bit.
I hope you’re wearing a pair of Depends. I am. Here’s some quotes:
[quote:15dfipjw]But right now leave me alone, because I want to cheer for Kobe “Rape” Bryant. Who would have known these gorillas would be making 24 million to dribble basketballs.
[/quote:15dfipjw]
He wants me to leave him alone. I understand. I will stop not sending you emails out of the blue, Mr. Kickenasstakennames. But, it was eery – how did this guy know that I was deep in thought about Kobe “Rape” Bryant?[quote:15dfipjw]I was in Russia a few years back and wish I had stayed. This country I don’t like it or anything it stands for. Everyone is so caught up in sports. In Europe they might watch soccer and hockey. Here MMA, WWF, monster trucks, drag racing cars, boats, motorcycles, rally racing cars, motorcycles, ATVs, snow mobiles, nascar, pro-basketball, baseball, football, soccer, hockey, rodeo, then you have all the college shit. I mean you’d be an idiot to work. Just go race an ATV or motorcycle. [/quote:15dfipjw]
I was so glad to read this in his email because I cared. European soccer fans are saintly models of courtesy and civility compared to the redneck hicks running with the bulls at your typical, say, NFL or NBA game.
And why work when you can just ride a motorcycle instead?
[quote:15dfipjw]I’d like to take a bow and arrow and shoot all the old groped up crusty fucking old men leaving the VFW because they attacked Germany and still today they don’t have a clue.[/quote:15dfipjw]
I was intrigued by Mr. Kickenasstakennames’ choice of armament. A bow and arrow – who’d be expecting it? I’d be careful here, though, because threatening to kill people is a crime, and when you write it down it’s tough to defend it.
[quote:15dfipjw]
I was taught the kind of karate like Jean Claude Van Dam. All spinning back kicks. The kind you jump up and kick a guy 10′ away from you. He can’t escape those kinds of kicks. That movie Blood Sport had some of the best karate I’ve ever seen. It was so realistic.[/quote:15dfipjw]God, did I feel like a naive moron when I read this. Instead of dropping all that money on the SDTS I could have rented “Bloodsport” for literally fifty cents at my local Family Video.
In deference to Mr. Kickenasstakennames, I had a similar epiphany to his recently while watching “The Matrix.” I’m thinkin, “if I could learn to fly like that, why I’d be untouchable!”
[quote:15dfipjw]Jews are filthy, no good, stinking, lazy, lying, warmongering bastards and people who like them are worse.[/quote:15dfipjw]
Ouch! A stunning rebuke. I hadn’t realized that it was possible to be worse than a Jew simply by loving them. But they’re so lovable! I don’t know how to stop. Please help me, Mr. Kickenasstakennames.
[quote:15dfipjw]You can do better. I’ve already destroyed this one asshole. He used to be a right winger, but one night he picked up a coon hitch hiker and ate her ass out and fell in love. [/quote:15dfipjw]
Mr. Kickenasstakennames was referring to a Mr. NJScribe here, who Mr. Kickenasstakennames has also fixated on in his emails to me. Why complain to me? Not sure. But I’ll say this to NJScribe: What the hell is wrong with you, kind sir? You’re supposed to destroy assholes and not eat them out. Get it together, man!
And finally, the coup de grace:
[quote:15dfipjw]Hey, Your boy is banging you in the ass if you purchase those tapes. $500 fucking dollars for a few karate CDS. Nothign but a rip off. Just like all those exercise tapes. Fuck you want to exercise go mountain hiking or ride a bike.
Damian doesn’t want people to know his shit is too fucking high. I have a friend who is going to make some tapes and it covers everything. Karate is karate. Some are better than others. My friend will sell the tapes for $100. Fuck Damian. In fact my friend has been in many competitions and he kicked ass. He was taught by someone who went to Japan and learned from a master and this guy didn’t give you anything. You had to earn it. He could kick Damian’s nuts in. The FBI uses this guy’s training techniques. I told Damian the guy wants to fight him, but Damian wanted no parts of it and believe me someone 6’6″ who can bench press 300 pounds 10 times and runs 5 miles 5 days a week. How many people do you know who trains liek this? He is only 2nd degree, because the other degrees are about weapons. The weapons shit is bullshit. It should be hand to hand. Damian wouldn’t want this dude. He trains 5 nights a week. He would fuck Damian up. Nobody around wants this guy. Damian has banned me from the site because I asked him to try this guy. Believe me instructors don’t like getting their asses kicked. It’s not good for advertising. They had a competition not long ago and this guy kicked a couple people’s ass so bad the rest wouldn’t try him. But it’s about practicing and conditioning. He would dwarf Damian. But I’m bored with the shit anyway. That one fuck up coming in there that no doubt he ate out a nigger’s ass and fell in love. [/quote:15dfipjw]
Wow, did I feel like a sucker. Although I will say this in my defense, Mr. Kickenasstakennames: I’m positive that I haven’t been banged in the ass. I mean, that’s the kind of event you tend to remember. I’m certain I haven’t been banged in the ass recently. Or really ever. Is it theoretically possible that I was banged in the ass and somehow I don’t recall it? Sure. But I swear I haven’t been banged in the ass. No doubt about it in my mind. Haven’t been banged in the ass.
Mr. Kickenasstakennames’ boyfriend – heh, I don’t judge – sounds like a very, very frightening beast of a man. And Mr. Kickenasstakennames has really understated this specimen’s ability and fiercesome spectacle. Mr. Kickenasstakennames’ boyfriend, Herr Wunderkind, is not just striking visually with his golden, close-cropped hair and deep, mesmorizing, turquoise eyes, but he also travels to Asia and Africa every month to hone his close combat skills by practicing multiple-attacker scenarios on entire prides of lions. The lions have gotten wise, though, and they run like gazelles when Herr Wunderkind steps out of the Land Cruiser in his loincloth, his oiled pectorals glistening under the savage, Saharan sun.
When I think frightening, I picture Herr Wunderkind at my door, deeply disappointed in me, and wanting to bang me in the ass.
Geez, it’s rare that I get emails this entertaining. Nothing like it. They come under the name “Jim Gehring,” although I have no clue if that’s a legitimate name or not. Sounds German though. I don’t know – I kind of like “Goebbels” more.
You know, I just had a thought: Herr Wunderkind might be Dolph Lundgren.
I’m going to forward all these emails from Mr. Kickenasstakennames to Quentin Tarrantino and see if he’ll use them in his next script for the dialogue of one of the character’s. That guy always has great dialogue in his movies, and I can’t see even him topping Mr. Kickenasstakennames.
Well, even though Mr. Kickenasstakennames’ correspondence does indeed qualify as hate mail, it’s so entertaining that it’s tough to think of it as hate mail. But since it does technically meet the rigid standards pertaining to hate mail, I felt that I could not, in good conscience, deprive all of you of the joy I have had reading these.
I’m with you, Mr. Asstaken (just shortening it for ease of use). It’s an incredible honor to have been selected to be personally mentored by the Pulitzer Prize nominee for your groundbreaking literary work on the walls of public restrooms. If you don’t win, no doubt the Jews conspired to keep you from your glory. And you have even diversified and brought this great gift to the internet for those of us not privileged or able to visit one of the sacred sites of public restrooms you have graced with your presence.
Thank you, Mr. Asstaken. I hope to see you dancing on Oprah’s couch, ecstatically embracing Herr Wunderkind, and lifting the world on your hunchbacked, yet imperturbable, shoulders.
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This guy has grown to be my favorite. It’s a shame I had to ban his IP addresses. It;s just get’s too distracting. We do have a name and address in Virgina
. Hey, Nixon and McCarthy had lists right?Again another guy who’s going to get his Daddy to beat me up. Shit, why didn’t the guy just lie and say he was 6 foot 7, 255 pounds, pissed rocket fuel and had sex with mountain lions?
But I am upset that another bigoted racist without spell check hates me.
Oh, hey congrats and condolences on your new BFF.
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You know, I am so *not* surprised that “Human Weapon” was one of this guy’s aliases. Human Weapon did not ring right from the first time I read something of his. Not at all a big revelation.
If you’re getting a lot of traffic from Alex Jones’ site(s) (I have no idea how many he has, or if you advertise on all of them), then a lot of these guys are going to be out there in the no-man’s land of what-ifs. That’s why I steer clear of conspiracy theories because even if they’re right you can’t prove it – or do anything about it beyond voting for moral people – so why slip into that bottomless pit of unsubstantiated conjecture? It’s a pit that some find impossible to climb back out of.
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We’re on all of his sites and we get some excellent people…like you for example. Unfortunately you get some shit in with the Shinola. At least it makes for good entertainment.
As far as conspiracy theories go, you’re right on the money. I can only affect what is with in my reach.
The reality is, the few will always govern the many. It’s the only way anything can get accomplished.
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Ah, my old friend Human Weapon. He is the reason I stayed away from this site for the past several months. This made for an entertaining evening of reading, but ultimately, like on trollshido, responding to trolls just encoourages them. Negative attention is better than no attention. I wish these other sites would keep their gates shut so these guys would not get out and bother the rest of us.
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Good to see you posting again.
Yes, we’re keeping this a troll free zone but if we are going to have an open exchange of ideas we have to allow people to speak their minds until they reveal who they are. This kid literally had several personalities all of which started out from a different angle.
Plus we use trolls to define what we are not. It’s like putting your enemy’s head on a pike. Other trolls read it and they are less likely to post.
Plus, allowing a discussion to develop (however ridiculous) it let’s people like you know that it’s safe to post.
We give them enough rope to hang themselves and then they’re gone.
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Mr. Kickenasstakennames was referring to a Mr. NJScribe here, who Mr. Kickenasstakennames has also fixated on in his emails to me. Why complain to me? Not sure. But I’ll say this to NJScribe: What the hell is wrong with you, kind sir? You’re supposed to destroy assholes and not eat them out. Get it together, man!
What you can’t have fun with the illiterate little troll? I don’t waste my time with his like, but rather see how far the absurdities will go, because there is no winning an argument with a moron, and everyone is a lot of talk on the Internet, and I’ve yet to meet any of the tough brawlers, fighter pilots or mercenaries who’ve threatened me over the years. All they want is a forum to rant in because nobody they actually know wants to hear it any more.
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