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Report: Average Male 4000% Less Effective in Fights Than They Imagine

Report: Average Male 4000% Less Effective in Fights Than They Imagine

Report: Average Male 4,000% Less Effective In Fights Than They Imagine.




WASHINGTON—Contradicting the long-held belief that they would just go off and destroy anyone who tried to mess with them, a Department of Health and Human Services report published Thursday revealed that U.S. males would be on average 4,000 percent less effective in a fight than they imagine.

“Despite the typical American male’s conviction that he would viciously beat down anyone who came at him and end the whole thing with one punch, we found that in the event of an actual violent altercation, most adult men would almost certainly injure themselves far worse than any assailant,” read the 80-page report, which went on to confirm that nearly all American males would be unable to execute a single maneuver they envision themselves capable of performing, be it an uppercut, a roundhouse, or grabbing an opponent by the back of the neck and smashing his face down into the bar.

“Predictions of being amped up on massive adrenaline rushes or having multiple friends jump in to back them up are similarly unfounded, with over 75 percent of confrontations instead projected to end with panicked apologies or pleas to be let out of a headlock.”

The report stated, however, that the majority of men correctly estimate that such fights would last a total of six seconds.

Report Provided by The Onion

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23 Comments

  1. I don’t say the words out loud. However, I cover the incident in my next visualation session by doing the same thing. “Let’s see. I would have . . .” then, after I have gone over and made changes I work on BOB at lease thirty minutes.

  2. A couple of weeks ago here in Ohio there was a robbery at a gas station gone bad where the attendant was being held hostage. A salesman attempted to help her and was shot in the head and killed, the attendant was able to run during the shooting but was shot in the back. There was 5 known armed bystanders in the gas station at the time and not one of them pulled their firearm to stop the killer that had his back to them long before he had taken the attendant hostage. When the bystanders were interviewed they all said they just couldn’t bring themselves to shoot another person. That is why it is so important to learn how to defend yourself because most of those “I would Have’s” will do the same NOTHING even if it is nothing more than a fist fight. Most of the Billy Asses fold like a three piece wallet when faced with a fight.

    1. Everyone feels the same thing when coming to grips with having to act. Some can take that step. Most can’t. We hope (and try) through conditioning that when things happen we can react without thinking.
      Those 5 people had a choice – live with the consequences of their actions or life with the regret of not acting.
      I wonder if they still carry…

      1. My bet would be “Yess, they do.” I wish I could learn how many license holders carry to be “cool” and “bad-assed” but are STILL sheep. Kinda like the dog breed to be a Doberman or a Shepard that is afraid of his shadow. Sad, but a real experience.

  3. And you can usually pick them out in a crowd. They talk and talk and love to play, “Can you match this?” I had a Police Lieutenant like that once. We got him playing the “match this” game. Found out this 35-40 YOA man was “really” 92 years old. He held his age well. ;) -shine-

    1. Absolutely hit the nail on the head…….mental “conditioning” does create the mechanism that the body will follow and unfortunately very few realize that.

  4. 100% AGREED. LETS USE 9/11 AS AN EXAMPLE–>THAT GENERATIONS AND THE NEXT GENS “PEARL HARBOR”…. IN WW 2 THE ENTIRE M AND F POPULATION STOOD UP/RALLIED FOR THE USATHE GREATEST GENERATION EVER! SINCE 9/11 ONLY 1 % OF THE ENTIRE POPULATION HAS SERVED IN THE US MIL… THEY’VE DONE THE ENTIRE “HEAVY LIFTING” FOR THE 99% SINCE DAY 1. SINCE THE RVN GENERATION=2 X GENS OF POSERS, POSTURERS, BS’ERS…… NO BS GUYS… I LECTURED/TAUGHT ON MILITARY/DEFENSE RELATED (ELECTIVES) SUBJECTS AT A LOCAL COMMUNITY COLLEGE ’94-’01-RESIGNED JUST PRIOR TO 9/11. IN THAT 7 YRS (EST. 350-400 STUDENTS) I POSED THIS SCENARIO/QUESTION: THE US HAS BEEN ATTACKED AND SUFFERED MAJOR CIVILIAN AND MILITARY CASUALTIES. THE PRES, (AT THE TIME CLINTON AND CLEARLY “THE MAN” FOR MOST OF THOSE STUDENTS”) HAS DUE TO A MAJOR NAT. EMERGENCY REINSTATED THE DRAFT. ALL THATS NEAR/DEAR TO YOU, YOUR FAM,. FOLKS, HOUSE, PETS, ALL OF IT IS UNDER A DIRECT THREAT. IF WE AS A COUNTRY DO NOT FIGHT, ALL THAT YOU VALUE CAN PERISH… THEN THE QUESTION…”HOW MANY OF YOUR WILL SERVE IF CALLED TO VIA A DRAFT.. .NO BS.. I NEVER GOT MORE THAN 20% WHO SAIDA1UWE WILL IT T

  5. TYPE, CONTINUED TEXT FROM ABOVE… WHO SAID THEYD SERVE… I POLLED THE OTHER 80% AS TO WHY THEYD NOT SERVE… THEY HAD 5 BASIC ANSWERS WHICH ARE TOO LENGTHY TO GET INTO. FOR NOW… THEIR #1 REASON AS TO WHY THEYD NOT SERVE IS THIS… AND AGAIN NO BS GUYS .. THIS IS VERBATIM…. “MY MOTHER WOULD’NT LET ME”…… PONDER THAT…. US ARMY RANGER R. E. FOTI

    1. I hate to admit it, but my generation (Generation X) did not do a good job of raising our kids. We spoiled them rotten, let them get away with stuff our parents would never let us get away with. C’est la vie. Maybe one day, things will turn around.

  6. After being in construction 42 years 90% talk a mean job, 5% show up and try, the other 5% actually show up and kick ass. What sets the 5% a part from the rest, Knowledge, proper training, time on the job, and the will to get er done. Same with self defence. Love this system.

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